It's time the truth comes out...

Pointless. Like driving in seven different directions knowing how obnoxiously uneconomical the price for our destination fuel has become. Like a secret that you wanted to keep for yourself and the other mindless figure participating, except every one else knows- so what is the real point in your audacious plan? Empathy, you have none. Tact, you have none. So, why do I voluntarily place my torn knees down onto this horribly graveled road that keeps rolling out behind you? Vapid of any substance, nihilistic truths. Coherent to myself, to those around you- and yet, your feeble eyes are moronic to any depth that lays itself dead in your path. Feckless attempts at points to be proven. Exhaling, you will never know.

Just an exertion of depth and feeling and pulses creating insights I've never considered before. Where does this life come from? Besides the obvious of course. I mean life in the sense of feeling, liveliness. Emotions raging like white water rafting when the caution signs are clearly posted. LIVE ON. Take wider strides, faster leaps, take it all, take all of it. Embrace it until, well, forever. Forever, always and forever. Look at those eyes. Our eyes are nothing alike. My nose not as narrow, my lips not as small, but you are my other half. My knowledge, my truth, soul, all a part of you. My temper, my hate, my introvert, stemming from your roots. I've lost it now.

Hurry up and wait

Blood rushing, keeping my insides warm; alive. You, I wish your skin would consider the thought of itself as a hot compress to my exterior on nights like this. Close, but I hate the smell of cigars. Oceans fill your eyes with the most envious color, so royal; smooth. I can see your wounds from here. Walls, not even the bravest of hands could accomplish such a height. Minutes have passed so facetiously amounting to years without reward. No pat on the back, just signs reminding the slow traffic to stay to the right. Loose ended strings hang before me, taunting. Where do I find this enlightenment? Knowledge? Toes creeping reverse to my heels. Rule of thumb having no suggestion prepared for what's to come. No agreement to disagree. Only a high dose prescription of wait. Impatient, to whom it may concern. Though, constantly even consistently tipping around on my toes top, would argue other wise. I need to find the directions to this reconstructed machine that lays seemingly imprisoned by your metal plated ribs. The mind responsible for this malfunction, who holds such instruction is no help to my resolution. Resolution? Resolution. I'm not even sure of the correct definition of this word. My memory left in days recently passed. Doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results; insanity. Lend me a hint on how to configure a proper execution. Eye lids heavy and ready to wait for the sun. Another day full of minutes prepared to pass. Oh, this road leads to no where.

How many times can it escalate til it elevates to a place that I can't breathe?

Lungs are crumbling, making morsels of existence. Breath is stale, rent is past due. Turned, twisted, upside down. My head is left somewhere along the road. And what a misconstrued perception of this direction we're floating through. Convinced happy nights rarely introduce happy days. Oh, sweet day, won't you extract such a resentful glare that has become so awfully mundane? Such a salty solution these eyes extrude now a days. Almost as though this world surrounding is reminding to bite down on already cracked lips to enforce the ingestion of immense pride. His lips resembling fleshy pillows. Gentle, no trace of a battle. But, how does he preserve such grace? No tears to bolt from the windows on his face? No gust of wind tenacious enough to encourage a heavy fluctuation of thoughts that may not be neither here nor there, but still available all the while? I hold no answer, or the slightest suggestion to questions of this manner. Oceans don't amount to my lack of will to obtain such secrets. Rhetorical thoughts, perhaps. Although striving for the sincerity and the physical vocalization of truths and worries, maybe somewhere along the way we realize ignorance truly is bliss. And that is a secret we will bury deep. Even we will eventually forget our own sake of keep.

Sometimes I ramble (summer '07)

sometimes we have these life realizations at the most unexpected times and it gets the best of our, well..everything. maybe you realize you don't hate the people you work with, that they're actually closer to you and know you better now than you're own parents whom you live with do. maybe you realize you're in this perfect little nook of comfort in something so unstable, but have no means of finding a way out. and maybe you realize it's okay that your mother is a basket case and drives you crazy and up the walls because you don't really know how much longer it will get to happen and that its pretty inevitable that you're going to carry on some of her traits as you grow old as much as you're terrified of ending up like her. maybe also you realize your father really is just looking out for whats best in your interest and he never stopped doing so even for a second even if you could swear from the earth to the moon that he did. maybe you also realize some of your friends are the best family you've ever had and never wish for them to think they mean anything less than the world to you. you could even realize some of your not so much friends are better being very much so out of your life cause really what kind of person can you call a friend that upsets you more than they make you smile? and you realized how to finally take life steps on your own even if they are a few baby steps at a time. and maybe you realize people just tell you little lies to keep the peace and it's okay, but no not really.
maybe you start to cherish things that not so long ago didn't even make you blink but now somehow put this little shine in your eyes. maybe you love the youngins in your little family tree more and more because you feel more established as a person and want to teach them of these things that just tend to happen to keep their souls in tact and full. sometimes you love the way everyone else looks out for you as well. and sometimes you love the way you know some of these people will be in your life forever. sometimes you wish you stayed a little longer at your grandfathers house to hear of more war stories followed up by some who knew who vogue status circa 1957. and sometimes you wished you spent a little more time with your grandmother cause now all you have left is some frame with a picture of a kitten with all the things she loved about you written inside and sometimes someone will walk by whos wearing the exact perfume she did. oh what you would give to hear her call you sweetheart in that heavy east coast accent again. sometimes you form hard to break attachments and realize they weren't so hard to break in the end.
life, life, life. how'd you happen so fast?

Pardon my run on's...

There are many words afloat in my brain forming various thoughts of futures that could be in line for me, for members that are a part of the tree that my family's name posses, for the ones who hold quiet warm nooks of my rapidly beating life organ and everyone else with whom my eyes come in sight and with whom my ears embrace words of joy and sorrow. And what provokes such written out thoughts? An unspoken dispute based off ignorance and a soul vapid of any tact. Perhaps a feeling that has been taunted so righteously through varying moons and tides. Oh, when will your motions ease on your obvious intentions?